tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33307633376533743272024-02-20T16:47:19.395+00:00welcome to planet neptune...this is a wierdo diary written by a wierdo girl from a far away planet..lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-85831141181698278222008-06-27T10:58:00.007+00:002008-06-27T11:14:40.256+00:00hombres<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/SGTIndmGaWI/AAAAAAAAAdM/xl7lQ5C5JT8/s1600-h/fib04_fangoria_a.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5216514848686762338" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/SGTIndmGaWI/AAAAAAAAAdM/xl7lQ5C5JT8/s200/fib04_fangoria_a.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />hay hombres que se mueven.. hay hombres que se agitan.<br />.<br />hay hombres que no existen.. hay hombres que no gritan.<br /><br />hay hombres que respiran.. hay hombres que se ahogan.<br />.<br />hay hombres que ocultan la verdad.. hay hombres que roban<br /><br />hay quien apuesta fuerte y decide quererte.. sabiendo lo fácil que resulta perderte<br /><br />¿sabes que siempre estaré cerca de tí?<br /><br />hay hombres que te compran.. hay hombres que se venden<br /><br />hay hombres que recuerdan.. hay hombres que mienten<br /><br />hay hombres que prefieren no hablar.. hay hombres que no entienden<br /><br />hay quien no tiene suerte y prefiere engañarte.. sabiendo lo fácil que resulta ganarte<br /><br />¿sabes que nunca me iré lejos de tí?<br /><br />tienes que aprender a resistir.. tienes que vivir..<br /><br />esto no lo tengo, esto no lo hay. Esto no lo quiero y esto que me das<br /><br />hay quien apuesta fuerte y decide quererte.. sabiendo lo fácil que resulta perderte<br /><br />sabes que siempre estaré cerca de tí..<br /><br />hay quien no tiene suerte y prefiere engañarte.. sabiendo lo fácil qué resulta ganarte..<br /><br />sabes que nunca me iré lejos de tí..<br /><br />hoy hay luna llena, y un hombre camina por ella...<br /><br />FANGORIA - HOMBRESlucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-58370337754070508152008-05-30T08:48:00.006+00:002008-05-30T09:06:39.654+00:00warwar.. is not honour, war.. is not valor, war.. is not sacrifice.<br /><br />war.. is killing, war.. is hurt, war is aggression and war is empty<br /><br />soldiers aren't heros, soldiers aren't brave<br /><br />soldiers are manipulated, soldiers are murderers and soldiers are cowards<br /><br />if there were no soldiers there would be no wars.lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-6316633291251689182008-03-21T22:28:00.020+00:002008-03-22T16:42:48.088+00:00la caja de pandora<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/R-Q-E-QyGTI/AAAAAAAAAdE/HevRoSdRPwE/s1600-h/Pandoras-Box-Print-C10100758.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5180333726536702258" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/R-Q-E-QyGTI/AAAAAAAAAdE/HevRoSdRPwE/s200/Pandoras-Box-Print-C10100758.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>i feel a little guilty tonight.. and maybe a bit unhappy too, but its all my fault you see? I opened up Pandora's box again tonight.. i have a habit of doing this? i think its part of the insecure part of my personality..<br />.<br />for the first time in a long time today, i got a chance to go clothes shopping with my mum. We walked into town in the blustering wind, finding it pretty difficult to hear what each other was saying. What is it with march? why does it blow so much. what is it trying to blow away, and push far away into the distance?? anyhow, eventually we got there and began to look around the shops.<br />.<br />At first, mum wanted to buy some chocolate brazil nuts for my dad, who's not feeling very well, so we went into the first shop and she bought some. Then we went into a few clothes shops, you know, the ones that only have fashionable lines now, and never have any size over 12? well, anyway, i can fit into 12's just about, and i managed to find a jumper for 3 pounds that really suits me.. you know now that i've worn it all day, i've got bored of it.. but thats how it is with clothes right?<br />.<br />but, anyway, that was a good thing and it made me feel pretty good. Buying clothes always does, i suppose it gives you a chance to see yourself in a different light, if only for a short while? Afterwards, we looked through a few other shops, and my mum was constantly being really nice to me, telling me how things suited me, she said how well i was looking.... amazing i thought? something had to be wrong. My mum was being too nice to me, she's never this nice? but i just thought, oh well! its good isn't it? and we carried on. Later when we had both got tired and she had not found the new cardigan top, the type that she always wears, we decided to have a coffee in a bar and ended up talking about this and that, and it was all very nice! </div><div>.</div><div>Actually, I think the waiter fancied me.. i fancied him! they always look so big and overpowering behind those bars, so i gave him a big smile! He then brought the coffees all the way upstairs.. what a nice chap, and what a great bit of manipulation! So, altogether a good day for me i was thinking! there are few things like a knowing-stare between two people to sweep you of your feet and into the clouds again.. <strong><em>and</em></strong> all spent with my mum? its amazing, we had no arguments, no acusations or anything! I think she's really trying to get on with me. The problem, is with me, in that I think that maybe i didn't return it. I didnt return the good feeling that she had given me all day?<br />.<br />so why not? well.. later i got back and went to have tea at my parents house, i thought.. hmm perhaps i shouldn't go i don't want things to go wrong and spoil a good day, but anyway, not fancying another night alone in a cold empty house (my partner is in spain with my kids, again?) i decided to go.<br />.<br />soon, as always seems to happen when im alone with my mum and dad, we got talking about all the thoughts that keep going around and around in my head.. this time it was abortion, feminism, anti feminism and all of those bloody things that keep giving me such a headache?? sooo i ended up telling them, a bit arrogantly, how i knew just <em><strong>so</strong></em> much about it all now, and that i had seen things from a different point of view to them. From a new perspective?! perhaps, and maybe this is all down to the past year or so of being indoctrinated by the mrm into their way of seeing things..<br />.<br />however, as those kind of conversations always go, they always seem to ends up in kind of an argument, where two of us takes sides against the one.. and tonight i think it made my mum feel bad. She had made such an effort and for it to end like that, it wasn't right, and its my fault.. I feel like i've opened their eyes to something that perhaps i shouldn't have? as if i somehow opened pandoras box in my relationship with them? oh god, i feel so bad, and so guilty!! what happens if this makes some kind of wedge between them in their relationship? what if it affects my relationship with them? why didn't i think about this before? perhaps im turning into a self-righteous arrogant bitch? do you think so?<br />.<br />i feel like i've been trying to convert them into something, and i dont really know why? i've got a bee in my bonnet this time and i feel like i ruined a really nice day. I rarely get to spend time with my mum without children, or nasty bitchy arguments.. Why am i involved in all this? why do i seem to care about it? its nobodies fault but mine is it? We even ended up looking up talking all kinds of bizarre things that no child should ever talk about with their parents! I like calling myself a child again, cant you tell??</div><div>.<br />so, anyway i feel like i've done something really bad today. For the first time in a long time i feel like i am not making enough effort, and caring in my relationship with my parents.. is it true? if this mrm stuff is true, then why does it make me feel bad talking about it? what is it that i am sacrificing when i talk about it with people that are close to me?<br />.<br />dear diary, im not sure what i should do now? I feel nervous and anxious, and im all alone again.. Perhaps i should just leave things and see what happens. Things always feel better after a nights sleep dont they? The problem is that once you opened pandora's box, then it doesnt shut again does it??<br />.<br />perhaps im scared, maybe thats what it is. Scared of something changing in life? Oh well, it is march again, and i suppose march, much like october, is a month of changes. The winter blows its way out and the flowers and birds return? I love the scent of the air, on those long evenings when the sun manages to shine for a while..<br />.<br />that sounds good doesn't it? but i still feel bad.. i cant cover up my feelings by writing things that make me happy anymore.. its not true, i dont deserve to be happy tonight. Im sorry i want to shut the box again, but i can't can I?</div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-30608212562401380782008-03-14T12:34:00.002+00:002008-03-14T12:41:40.431+00:00je suis d'une génération désenchantéetout est chaos<br />a côté<br />tous mes idéaux: des mots<br />abimés...<br />je cherche une âme, qui<br />pourra m'aider<br />je suis<br />d'une génération désenchantée<br /><br /><strong><em>désenchantée</em></strong>.....lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-84973808711570365892008-02-12T10:57:00.000+00:002008-02-12T12:04:15.395+00:00at the park<p>dear diary, here is another chapter in my relationship with my mother. I argue with her all the time, but yesterday, something kinda made sense to me!</p><p>i was on my own yesterday my partner had just got back from madrid and had not really slept in 3 days so i had to do something alone with my two 3 year old daughters.. </p><p>so silly me, i rang my mum up because she normally looks after my two nephews on monday because my sister is working, and her man (not married) is working in london for a months. My daughters get on well with my nephews so it makes things easier sometimes the days can be very long.</p><p>anyway, im feel like im quite a dosile person, im pretty dull really, totally the opposite of my mother and my sister.. i mean i like kids but i get tired all the time, and all the cutting and sticking activities that most mothers get involved with give me a headache.. i just see the hoovering up afterwards, and find it difficult to enjoy the activity... I always felt like there was something missing in me, but yesterday i kinda realised that its actually the other way round?</p><p>there is a hill near where i live that goes down onto some sports fields and J. my oldest nephew starts running down.. he trips and lands on his chin, meanwhile his body continues and just before it gets to the point where it would have snapped his neck, it stopped. i mean, he was very close to being killed.. my mother was not looking after him. Nobody has obviously EVER told him to be careful. They dont care. His dad is never there, his mother is a bossy bitch who is only happy with him while he does as he is told, to suit her.. my mother is the same. </p><p>so what happens? i said to him, j. you know, you nearly killed yourself then (hes only 3).. and my mum jumps in saying, </p><p>'don't tell him that stop being stupid'</p><p>so i shut up? and i spent the whole of the rest of the day feeling upset but i didnt know why? then suddenly i got home and it all became clear to me!! its that she's trying to cover up the parts that she doesn't like about herself. She is a useless person when it comes to looking out for the safety of children.. its so bad that sometimes i think that doesn't care about his well being at all!? she only cares about being seen as mrs perfect grandmother! is that what is going on?</p><p>when i tell J. that he needs to look after himself, its more important to my mother that what happend is swept under the carpet, than that J. actually learns something? Thats why i was upset allday.. because i cared about him and i was horrified by what happend..</p><p>J's father is never there, and has no interest in children. Who is going to teach him? Once his father (my brother-in-law in name, not in marriage) drove all the way round to my house, just so i could change J's nappy! </p><p>meanwhile, my sister is the same as my mum, while everyone is celebrating how wonderful she is, everything is fine, but if anyone says anything against her its a whole big tantrum and strop, where everyone takes her side and makes it look like you are at fault.</p><p>so, why does she treat me like the ugly unwanted annoying daughter who is a constant irritation? i think its because my mum had an affair with a man, who she loved and her love child was my sister.. then she married my dad (mangina) and had me to make sure of his income for the rest of her life. Meanwhile my dad has had 2 heart attacks in his early 60's and nearly died last week. Now he's got a pacemaker fitted.</p><p>anyway, what i realised, is that despite all the super mum activities both her and my sister do, the sticking, play dough, stuff that really gets on my nerves.. and all the crap mum ones i do, the truth is, when their children are about to kill themselves, they dont want to know.. it might make them look like bad? Their egos are more important, than their childrens welfare..</p><p>isn't it interesting? </p><p>i feel really good about that.. i learnt that i can do somethings well yesterday, and so did my nephew! </p>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-43832853901679623042008-02-05T14:09:00.002+00:002008-03-14T13:36:28.517+00:00new forum<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/R9p_MoD4ngI/AAAAAAAAAck/gYLHUjOOj38/s1600-h/redplanet.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5177590576504675842" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/R9p_MoD4ngI/AAAAAAAAAck/gYLHUjOOj38/s200/redplanet.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div>i've started a new forum because we need somewhere - the address is:<br /><br /><a href="http://fruity1.proboards101.com/">http://fruity1.proboards101.com/</a><br /><br />it will probably take 6 months at least to get enough members to run itself, but please take a look, or check back later!</div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-1906671199147775432008-02-04T18:20:00.000+00:002008-02-05T14:31:26.209+00:00censorship on antimisandry.comi dont really think anyone knows whats going on in that place anymore? or maybe its just me who doesnt know!<br /><br />but anyway i think there is alot of bad feelings in there at the moment, but i hope things will get better in the future<br /><br />im not sure, but i think its probably better if i left. I've been thinking alot lately and i shouldn't try to compete with men really, its not something that has ever made me happy. I like men, but not really mens <em>rights</em> so perhaps its not fair that i be there<br /><br />i just keep getting this annoying feeling that i have to go back there and see whats happening? aaah!!<br /><br /><a href="http://fruity1.proboards101.com/index.cgi?board=mwi&action=display&thread=1202219608">http://fruity1.proboards101.com/index.cgi?board=mwi&action=display&thread=1202219608</a>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-29575613973607655562008-01-18T14:32:00.000+00:002008-01-18T15:58:08.998+00:00you know, if you don't love your children, you don't love anyone..its a friday and my children have gone to nursery school - what am i to do? they learnt songs that someone else taught them. Im beggining to get the first feelings that someone must get when their children grow up and leave home?<br /><br />i've been totally bored for the last few days, home alone, no kids, no bloke.. only a computer and a super-clean house to keep me company.<br /><br />oh well, at least its given me a chance to write, and on this occasion, to talk about my true feelings about a rather controversial subject..<br /><br />i found this article in a feminist site that i've read a few times..<br /><br /><a href="http://feministing.com/archives/008428.html">http://feministing.com/archives/008428.html</a><br /><a name="008428"></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;"><strong></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;"><strong>Ga-Ga for Guttmacher</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;"><br />The Guttmacher Institute </span><a href="http://www.guttmacher.org/media/nr/2008/01/17/index.html"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;">has released</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;"> a mother of a study today revealing that in 2005, the U.S. abortion rate was the lowest it has been since 1974. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;">In other words, the rates continue to decline. The study reveals a number of other interesting <strong>(and depressing)</strong> findings, like: </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* The number of abortion providers is decreasing, yet at a slower rate than previous years<br />Medication abortion - or mifepristone - use is growing </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* More than 1 in 4 abortion patients reports traveling at least 50 miles to reach a provider. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* Nationwide, 87% of counties have no abortion services, a figure that has existed since 2000<br />They also have a </span></span><a href="http://www.guttmacher.org/statecenter/sfaa.html"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;">state-by-state guide</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;"> with abortion rates and access. Check out the full study, </span><a href="http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/4000608.pdf"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;">"Abortion in the United States: Incidence and Access to Services, 2005."</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;"> </span><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">now, the key bit i highlighted here, is that the writer of this article thinks that it is <em>depressing</em> that the abortion rate has decreased..</span><br /><br />i wondered how could it possibly be depressing?? depressing that more children are not being murdered, having things stuck into their barely formed, fragile and defenceless bodies. Having their life, there existence stolen from them.<br /><br />this message is to those that have written this article, and to those women whom think abortion is right.. I am writing to give you the choice to say no to murder. I am writing this to give you the choice to do the right thing...<br /><br />you know, Its not your body, it the childs body.<br /><br />and, its not your choice. Your choice was to have sex, or to not have it.<br /><br />Why do you not understand that? why do you seek so hard to destroy what you cared so little in creating? do you only belive in death and destruction? what is it that makes you so desperate to cover up what is such an evil process?<br /><br />honestly, i am not excusing the fathers, the doctors and all the other people involved, they have their own demons to face. You are not fighting to defend those people, so why are you claiming to be fighting for women's rights, and yet you are happy for women to be murdered in the place they are supposed to feel more safe than anywhere else? inside the uterus. inside the body of the person that feels them closer than any other..<br /><br />why can you not empathise with the child that was growing inside of you? do you not feel anything?<br /><br />i can only think you are so intencely selfish that your own life is more valuable to you than that of your own child..<br /><br />or maybe, is it really, that you have already had an abortion and you hide behind the banner of 'womens rights' to protect your guilt and your conscience? You do not want to come to terms that you are a child killer. who would? its normal, but you are wrong and you are evil. You must not be mistaken about that.<br /><br />the only answer for you, is to come to terms with who you are, not to make more people into monsters like you..<br /><br />stop lying to us, you care not about women, but only about yourself. Is it really that you whole struggle is to manipulate people, women, so that they do not see the black hearted person that you really are?<br /><br />you know what, i think your depressed because more and more people are beggining to see through the abortion issue right down into to the cold black hearts of the people that promote it..<br /><br />and the last thing i want to say, and i want to say how good, and full of life i feel when i say this, is...<br /><br /><em>i never had an abortion. I am not a murderer, and I love my children.<br /></em><br />i want you to know that, i want you to know how strongly my feelings are against you. I want you to know that i chose life, that i chose caring and that i chose right.<br /><br />the only way for you to make better, is to come to terms with what you have done. I will welcome you with open arms and with warmth and caring. I want you to teach people why what you did was wrong. I want you to stop the lies and save yourself.<br /><br />you know, theres a saying in spain, and it think it fits in well here..<br /><br /><em>if you can't love your children, you can't love anyone.</em><br /><em></em><br />if you ever loved your child that you murdered, you will tell her or him, that you are sorry.. that you were wrong, and that you will not forget them and that you will fight so that they are remembered and that other children do not have to suffer what you have put them through.lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-81080828742320530532008-01-05T15:53:00.001+00:002009-03-03T10:16:00.810+00:00webcams, being middle class, and looking like an old hag..<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/R4EMd5nt3pI/AAAAAAAAAYk/-0uNQeA5lgM/s1600-h/me+on+webcam.jpg"></a><br /><div></div><div>dear diary, time to write something new isnt it?<br />.<br />well i've been away on holiday, it was 20 degrees (celsius NOT farenheit!!!) but i had to cope with in-laws traditional christmas fighting so just about came of even in the end. You know, when im away, i really miss my computer. I've become very attached to it, i was thinking while i was away.. my best friends these days tend to be random people on the internet, and you know what??<br />.<br />i dont think im ashamed of that anymore.. should i be ashamed of that? i mean, you're not <em>real </em>people, are you? are you???<br />.<br />im probably an anti-social type. I feel comfortable when i don't have to talk to anyone, when i don't have to portray any stupid image of the latest fashion in being a <em>normal</em> human being.<br />.<br />along time ago, my mother spent most of my early years reminding me of this while she kept up with the jones's at her oh-so-middle class dinner parties. <em>'Well hello'</em> they would say to me, not quite looking me in the eye.. 'how are things, how is life!?' and 'hows school!' sipping their wine, looking awkwardly like they weren't somehow real people...<br />.<br />bloody hell, i dont know, im 10 years old! did you know that?? i want to run upstairs and cry. i cant really tell them that schools horrible can i? or that they bully me because im fat? they dont really want to know do they? or at least, they dont want to feel awkward in front of the Joneses.</div><div>.<br />i suppose the answer to all this is to never trust anyone who asks you questions without looking in your eye. you can be nice to them, but something is not as it seems, is it?<br />.<br />so, that was how i felt. I was always made to feel guilty for being anti-social. Like there was something wrong with me. Well you know what? there are lots of things wrong with me, but i dont care anymore, im a bloody wierdo, so shove that up your bum along with the wine, the pesto and the sun dried tomatoes.. </div><div><br />anyway, 1980's middle class dinner parties apart, recently i've become addicted to this horribly addictive and frankly, narcisistic new invention known as webcam. I sit in front of it, and suddenly tens and hundreds of random people want to know about me. Yes me.. is this what being well known is like?<br />.<br />Some can speak english, others try but fail. They can construct sentences with the word tits in it, but thats as far as they go. Normally arabs.<br />.<br />occasionally you meet more interesting people and they actually make me feel attractive for the brief period that im there, and believe me, that is a bloody hard thing to do.. sometimes i fancy them. Its always annoying, because you can't touch people on webcam... then i go back to reality, where i generally feel like an ugly old hag. I spend most of my days wondering how i can be so ugly and nobody else can really see it. I suppose its called being a woman isnt it? or maybe its just about being me.. anyway, webcam is almost becoming preferable to real life. That has to be wrong doesn't it?<br />.<br />i suppose it must be really funny watching what people get upto behind closed doors. Staring at me in my dirty pyjamas. Its funny, they dont know that their dirty!<br />.<br />On webcam they call me pretty, sexy and lot of other things that make me feel as if somehow i was something special. It never happens to me in real life. What it is that i do on there, that i don't do in real life? perhaps in real life they can see that my pyjamas are dirty? perhaps they see the bags under my eyes.. who knows? perhaps men are afraid to say nice things to me in real life. i dont know. Maybe they are lying, but what for? its not like there going to get anything from me is it? i mean, im 1000s of miles away. I even get women admirers. They bug me and never go away.<br />.<br />i think that on webcam, i become a different personality, someone who has lots more confidence and doesn't get hurt as easily as she should. I mean, on the internet, i don't care if people call me names, or get into arguements with me really. Thats the not the same as real life is it? in real life it hurts doesnt it? on the internet it doesnt hurt so much.<br />.<br />i suppose most people on there are guys. I dont really have any competition. I guess the answer, is just to get rid of all the other women in the world, and then real life will get a bit better for me?<br />.<br />oh well.. maybe i should just become middle class and ask my friends kids how school is...</div>. <div>perhaps the real meaning of the internet is that you can make friends and talk about things that in real life, are just too difficult. Perhaps webcam is somewhere you can feel the emotions that you don't let yourself feel in real life, eh?</div><br /><div></div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-4992419175441143172007-11-28T16:16:00.000+00:002007-11-28T16:43:20.768+00:00angry woman!i was quite appalled today.<br /><br />why?<br /><br />because i went to drop my children of at the local nursery. There was some kind of stall that was giving away little nicki-nacky kids things so i had a look.<br /><br />a lady confronts me, and gives me a questionaire, basically asking if i was suffering from, or, if i knew anyone who was suffering from domestic violence.<br /><br />its appalling, my partner knows the people at this nursery and he drops them of as often as i do. Yet, while he's not there, like the true cowards they are, they ask me in so many words, if he is guilty of beating me up. You know, i have standards, and this was disgusting.<br /><br />who the hell do these people think they are? seriously, who are they? they think they know better than my own relationship with my husband? how dare they try and stick their nose in <em>MY</em> relationship!<br /><br />all around were posters saying 'does <em>he</em> make you feel small?' - isn't domestic violence a unisex subject? aparently not. I normally ignore this kind of thing, but you could replace the he with blacks, whites, and suddenly it would become wrong wouldn't it? I can see that. Im not an airheaded sheep.<br /><br />you know what, this is a sure start, state run nursery, its a kids place. They are encouraging women to snitch on their unsuspecting husbands. I have to say im horrified by it. Im starting to worry about what other propanganda they are trying to put in my kids heads..<br /><br />i feel like the sad truth is, that these people rarely find anyone who is actually suffering from domestic violence, they just construct witch-hunts against innocent and decent caring men who can't control themselves socially very well. I've seen how men act, in situations like this. They cower away in the corner.<br /><br />enough is enough. I've <em><strong>always</strong></em> said i would stand up for decent family men, and i am absolutely disgusted by this.<br /><br />you know, i think domestic violence is appalling, but i also think that air headed people trying to destroy family relationships at a local nursery, is just as appalling. There was another man there, he often drops of his kids. Nobody gave him anything, nobody gave him any information, or nicky-nacks. He was isolated, left alone. I felt sorry for him, but i felt more angry at the way these people thought that i was more interested in them, than in my husband.. that i would snitch on him, for their cause?<br /><br />the only question is, what do i do about it? how do i support my man in such a hostile situation?<br /><br />and how do men cope with this kind of situation, and why dont they start standing up for themselves? perhaps i was wrong about machoman. Im starting to like him.<br /><br />or maybe they deserve it for letting things get into this state..<br /><br />wow i really am going from one extreme to another!<br /><br />im a roller coasterlucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-60774294886857657002007-11-27T19:48:00.000+00:002007-11-28T16:42:37.201+00:00im confusedi just realised im not banned anymore from antimislaundry.com. I went back there and i have to say im really confused about this whole thing. Part of me wants to go back in there, because i do believe in the family with men in it, i can see through lots of the lies some women and men have told, and i do believe in <em>some</em> of the things they talk about. I dont want people to feel bad, and unhappy. Its not right.<br /><br />but, the problem is, im just about to say something when suddenly i think of all the men that have treated me badly in my life. Men who have treated me like i had no feelings and that i was a peice of shit. Men who have made me feel that i am worthless and that i have no value for anybody. Men who have made me wish i was dead.<br /><br />How can i possibly support them? am i supporting them if i go back in?<br /><br />they think they are something new, and yet all i really see is the same old know-it-all insensitive men that i have come to recognise and have developed a huge distaste for. Im so confused about it all. I just don't beleive them, i dont think they care about anyone? and yet for some unknown reason to me, i am still drawn towards them. Deep down, they dont care about each other.. do they? deep down, i mean...<br /><br />its all lies isnt it, just like before? when it comes to an end, their ideas, theories and ego are more important than someone elses feelings arent they?<br /><br />why should i let myself get involved in this again, open my heart again for people who do not care?<br /><br />im asking a question here. nobody ever answers it, do they?<br /><br />maybe its in my nature to be drawn to the people that treat me the worst..<br /><br />its difficult isnt it? when you are not accepted for who you are..<br /><br />im confused.. what do i do?lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-57489639087924871242007-11-25T23:02:00.000+00:002007-11-25T23:21:59.656+00:00my new obsessions!!<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/R0oADMjrEWI/AAAAAAAAAWI/1eqGkSie-yc/s1600-h/ACI_300x300.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5136918379879928162" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/R0oADMjrEWI/AAAAAAAAAWI/1eqGkSie-yc/s200/ACI_300x300.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><div>dear diary..</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>i haven't forgot about you, i've just been a bit busy lately and i've become obsessed with air crashes. There is a program thats on everynight on national geographic channel and its more interesting than going on the internet, so im now an expert on air crashes!!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>i'll come back soon when i've got something interesting to say! dont forget about me!</div><div></div><div>.</div><div>did you know that those planes can fly without engines?? i always thought that they would just fall out of the sky with a big 'plosh!'</div><div>.</div><div></div><div>isn't that interesting!?</div><div>.</div><div>there was one that ran out of fuel above the atlantic and managed to glide to the azore islands, and nobody was hurt at all. </div><div>.</div><div>and also i found this geography quiz game where you have to click on the cities its giving me a headache but its one of those addictive things that you can stop playing.</div><div> </div><div> </div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-49050811632144403102007-11-04T10:16:00.000+00:002007-11-04T10:42:55.075+00:00hello! im here hello!! can you hear me?! angry man!<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/Ry2epCQZN6I/AAAAAAAAAWA/qUdQdjx0hik/s1600-h/angry_man_05.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5128929978462320546" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/Ry2epCQZN6I/AAAAAAAAAWA/qUdQdjx0hik/s200/angry_man_05.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />something thats been getting on my nerves a bit lately, is every time i speak to a bloke about gender relations, im met by a torrent of abuse about how women supposedly are. I feel like they direct it at me! yeah.. its all my fault isnt it?<br />.<br />and you, of course! are blameless arent you!<br />.<br />its all <em>her</em> fault isnt it my little one!<br />.<br />anyway, i sit there twiddling my thumbs, umming and erring and feeling a bit uncomfortable while thinking.. you just dont have a clue do you! you are so blinded by your hatred of women that you can't even see it when one is sitting in front of you who doesn't fit your stereotypes!<br /><br />women are materialistic, intolerant, illogical, nasty, bitchy, blah blah blah, ma ma ma, ba ba ba...<br />.<br />well... next time you've been married to the entire 3 billion women in the world, then maybe we'll talk about that eh? Its not my fault you've got no taste, is it?<br />.<br />im getting rather bothered by hearing this again and again. Im not a human punch bag, and i have feelings too you know? no... you dont know do you!<br />.<br />Im not the type of person to start arguments but one of these days im going to tell them exactly what i think of men! and im going to tell it to them as if it were there own personal fault and that they are responsible for it..<br />.<br />if we are to get on, somewhere someone has to compromise.. and its not going to be me forever is it my sunshine?<br />.<br />im starting to lose my patience a bit and its not like me.<br />.<br />i really dont know if they are talking to me, or talking through me or what they are doing.<br />.<br /><em>hello! im here hello!! can you hear me! angry man!</em><br />.<br />next time this happens im going to say that three times and maybe they'll go away and leave me to face my fate in peace..lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-79367945036583336792007-10-24T20:36:00.000+00:002007-10-26T08:48:43.988+00:00¡te quiero, Pepé!<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RyBNrfTvgpI/AAAAAAAAASY/S5KOU5vTEBc/s1600-h/teddybear_1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5125181785481642642" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RyBNrfTvgpI/AAAAAAAAASY/S5KOU5vTEBc/s200/teddybear_1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/Rx-071UmxjI/AAAAAAAAASQ/ofx2CEgSAsw/s1600-h/teddybear_1.jpg"></a><br /><br /><div>My husband and my children are not here today. Actually, they have been away for five days, visiting my parents-in-law in <em>españa</em>.<br /><br />'Its good isn't it?' i tell myself, good that N. and L. get to hear some <em>castellano</em> for a change.. english can be such a soul destroying language at times. It's good that A. has time to see old friends.. its good that my little girls get to know their grandparents.. yes its all good, except here i am, alone again. Its not good for me, i need to have people around me. I never used to be like that, but now i understand that its people that make my life colourful. I can survive for a while without them, but my life soon becomes empty and directionless.<br /><br />Tonight i looked in the mirror at myself. I have a heart shaped necklace and i looked at it, thinking.. this is what life is. I have a heart inside me, just like the one on this necklace except mine is real.. its beating and it keeps me warm.. it makes me carry on, and yet, nobody is here to notice. Nobody can hear these thoughts that i have in my life. Nobody can see if im smiling or sad. My only friend is a computer screen, a keyboard and pepé the cuddly teddy bear, who keeps me company at night. Poor old pepé, i feel guilty if i don't tuck him in properly, and i hold his hand at night before we both fall asleep.<br /><br />i think that the night is the worst part about being alone. When it goes dark, the whole ambience of the house changes. Suddenly i am aware if the door is locked or not. I hear someone talking outside the window, we live in a red brick terraced house. We don't have a front garden, just a pretty little window box that i have neglected recently.. still i guess the pansies will flower this week. Something to look forward too. Anyway, i hear voices outside, i am suddenly worried that they are intending to enter. When its day, i don't feel threatened like this.. i think the silence in the house is strange so when i go to bed that i lock the bedroom door. It makes me feel more secure. I put an extra pillow on A's side of the bed.. i think that if someone comes in, nobody can see i'm in bed.<br /><br />what else am i supposed to do at night? i don't have a car, and i live in a not-so-great area of a not-so-important town in the middle of a cold and empty country. I feel scared to leave the house on my own. I don't really have any friends since my children were born, my whole life has become devoted to them, and now they aren't here. Maybe i'll go upstairs and watch a video.. lets see what do we have? the sixth sense? i've seen that one, and its got scary music.. not such a great thing, when its dark outside and your alone honey.. </div><div></div><div>.</div><div>well.. you know, im sorry pepé, its how i feel. I know you are up there keeping my bed ready for me really. You are like my third child, but i treat you badly when the others are around. I know that, i hope that one day you will understand why.. I promise you're going to have a proper mummy from now on ok?<br /><br />well.. anyway, i've decided to come on here and spill out my feelings onto this strange website again. I sometimes go on webcam when i feel like this. I talk to some friendly, and yet distant and untouchable people on the internet. tonight, though, i just don't want to be stared at.<br /><br />so i guess that its and i'm stuck in all alone again. I suppose that at least today i went out for a walk before it got dark. You know what happend? as usual, i was feeling self conscious and irratable, but i began wondering.. do we ever really notice the people who walk by? do they notice me, or are we still alone even when we're walking down the road?<br /><br />today, while i walked, i saw two tall and handsome young men in army uniforms crossing the road. Did they realise that i am alive and have a heartbeat too? Did they notice when i walked past them? What goes on in their lives, do i notice them? do they feel their heart beating when they are alone, just like i do? I have so many questions that im afraid to ask and we see so many people every day. Who knows what has happend to them in their time. Are they happy or are they sad? I often wonder this when i see them pass me by. Today i saw two old men walking with each other. They seemed happy didn't they? have i seen anyone else today who was sad? i don't know.. maybe its more difficult to tell when someone is sad. Perhaps im not looking hard enough for it. Do they see that i am sad?<br /><br />there is a whole lot of things to see in the world, every day.. but when im alone, i have nobody to tell, apart from pepé. I hope that he's not sad too..<br /><br />oh well, i suppose i should really enjoy these feelings while they are there. Maybe thats what i have to learn from today...</div></div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-66368218618485246522007-10-22T22:10:00.001+00:002009-03-03T10:14:49.085+00:00its all about me!!<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/Rx9fmlUmxiI/AAAAAAAAASI/oytSI-55jz8/s1600-h/ialam.jpg"></a><div><div><div><div><div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>i've been banned from antimisandry! yay.... but you can't stop me saying what i think! </div><div>.</div><div>i just want to highlight some of the immense comments of support i have recieved since the fated decision!<br /></div></div></div><div><div>.</div><div>dear annette:</div><div><em><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">"Do you even realize how she must be creaming in her panties (excuse me, KNICKERS) just thinking about how she...ONE PERSON...caused this entire forum to talk about HER? The ultimate female fantasy: FULL ATTENTION...... When a woman is as annoying and whiny as FC is, its because she needs a good seeing-to"</span></em></div><div><em></em></div><div>.</div><div>its such a shame they banned me, i was just starting to like you. i think me and you could have got along really well!! </div></div><div><div></div><div>.</div><div>well, er.. actually.. maybe not.<br />.</div><div>from jbgood2:</div><div><em>"She got you guys fighting amongst yourselves right? Just like she set out to do! 'It's all about me". She's got the T shirt!</em> "</div><div></div><div>.</div><div>what a great idea! its not a t-shirt, its a crappy bit of paper, but result is the same! and i dont have a screen printer.. as you can see all i have is a cheap webcam and a free paint program.</div><div></div><div>.</div><div>its time to start writing some proper things again, isnt it? i've wasted too much time in this <em>republica bananera</em> havent i?</div><div></div></div></div></div></div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-30018754022601873362007-10-18T09:01:00.000+00:002007-10-25T08:06:01.531+00:00feminism, bouvet island, the outback and poor little penguins!i've become really interested in geography lately, there is so much in the world that i dont know about. We downloaded google earth, isnt that amazing! you can even see our little terraced red brick house on it!<br /><div></div>.<br /><div>anyway, a friend of mine, K., just got back from australia and she says that she wants to drive across the continent, apparently there is a road right through the middle..</div>.<br /><div>so, i got on google earth, found the road and did the journey myself! it only took five minutes though..</div><div></div>.<br /><div>isn't australia a strange place, its like 1000's of miles of orange sand, with some bushes, and then this lonely little road going all the way through the middle. </div><br /><div></div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RxciMVUmxRI/AAAAAAAAAQA/wjU5iEgcAV8/s1600-h/Bouvet%2520Island.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5122600696434574610" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RxciMVUmxRI/AAAAAAAAAQA/wjU5iEgcAV8/s200/Bouvet%2520Island.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>it got me thinking, how lonely some places in the world are. Apparently the most remote island in the world is called bouvet island. I guess its pronounced in a french way, like "boo-vey"? Its like an iceberg with an anchor!!</div><div>. </div><div></div><div>apparently, its so far away that the nearest place is antarctica and that has no people living there either? There is a thread now about it in my forum:</div><div></div><div></div>.<br /><div></div><div><a href="http://luciavega.proboards101.com/index.cgi?board=geography&action=display&thread=1192634786">http://luciavega.proboards101.com/index.cgi?board=geography&action=display&thread=1192634786</a></div>.<br /><div>anyway, this is my solution to the gender problem. </div><div></div><div>get all the MRA's and radical feminists, put them in a big wooden pirate ship and make them row all the way to bouvet island, and then make them stay there for ever and ever and ever!! Maybe they will evolve into penguins!!? </div><div>.</div><div></div><div></div><div>i bet they'd end up having sex with each other!! hypocrites eh?</div><div></div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-56954237482879435072007-10-16T10:16:00.000+00:002007-10-25T08:06:01.531+00:00take the test - are you from planet neptune??its here!! the test you've all been waiting for!<br />click below to take the test and find out!!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.gotoquiz.com/welcome_to_planet_neptune">http://www.gotoquiz.com/welcome_to_planet_neptune</a><br /><br />pleaselet me know what you got, leave me a comment!!<br /><br />oh and don't forget to visit the new planet neptune forum..<br /><br /><a href="http://luciavega.proboards101.com/index.cgi">http://luciavega.proboards101.com/index.cgi</a>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-31178612612038234532007-10-09T08:44:00.000+00:002007-10-25T08:04:50.933+00:00october<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RwtI01UmxPI/AAAAAAAAAPw/bl8yXNLjoTQ/s1600-h/FlowersFogSunriseKY.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5119265473940604146" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RwtI01UmxPI/AAAAAAAAAPw/bl8yXNLjoTQ/s200/FlowersFogSunriseKY.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>i haven't really got much to write about lately.. its raining outside, but i don't feel down. October is a nice month really, i always feel like its the calm before the long nights draw in and the real cold begins. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I always get out the winter clothes around now, make space in a draw and get rid of the twins summer clothes. October is always a month where things change isn't it? The trees are slowly becoming orange, the strange party feel about life that you get in the summer is gone. There is still a nice scent in the air of what once was, but its blowing away in the wind..</div><div></div><br /><div>I'd really love the autumn, but I know that winters coming along soon.</div><div></div><br /><div>i used to like winter when i was little. we used to get snow back then? what has happend to it all, we never get any anymore. Snow always made the place look so pretty. I remember i used to wake up every winter morning with my fingers crossed that it had snowed! i opened the curtain and... nope.. it hadn't oh well, maybe tommorow.</div><br /><div></div><div>anyway, you know sometimes when you get involved in things and you eventually come out of it? you look back and think... amazing, did i really <em>believe</em> in that? i'm a bit like that now..</div><div></div><br /><div>i think that im in october in more than just the date on the top of the page. Its a time of change in my life, the way i feel about the world is changing. </div><div></div><br /><div>recently, i've been lost inbetween feeling pretty down in the dumps, looking after children, trying to show my partner how important and how much i love him, while getting mixed up in a strange cult like movement called the <em>male rights movement (mrm)</em>. </div><div></div><br /><div>i don't really know how i got involved in it, but i know that at the beginning i was actually quite frightened by the <em>mrm </em>and thought i'd better find out what it was about. I had always felt that some things weren't fair to the male gender, and suspected that they might have a case sometimes. Not to mention the things that are unfair to women, and its about time i started talking about that more.. but, it's true, <em>some</em> things aren't fair to them. </div><div></div><br /><div>the problem men have, is almost always they have brought it on themselves. I see the <em>mrm </em>as a movement of lonely people, when they write, i can feel the pain that they have in their lives. They don't understand that life is about life. Its about the moment, not the future..</div><div></div><br /><div>you know what? i was completely wrong to be scared of them.</div><div></div><br /><div>the <em>mrm</em> are no threat to anyone, they are really just another bunch of people lost in their own head and have an inability to relate properly to the rest of the world. Its part of the human condition i suppose, im not saying they are bad people, just misguided. When people are selfish, it eventually shines through and you'd have to be really stupid not to see it in the <em>mrm</em>. Im not saying that there aren't lots of stupid people out there, bless them, but, there is something in the macho psyche, that makes them completely unaware of how the rest of the world views them. </div><div></div><br /><div>you know what? i actually quite like the world as it is, im pretty happy at the moment. I suspect those people aren't. I think thats why im drawn to them, its in my nature to want to understand and feel other peoples pain. I dont know why im like that, nobody can <em>ever</em> feel mine... but you know, there is no world wide conspiracy against them.. its because.. well.. they are men who forgot how to enjoy life. it seems to me, they are incapable of having fun anymore.</div><div></div><br /><div>I suppose that they walk down the road, and look at everything they hate about the world. They look at women like me, and they hate us because we exist? They don't see the hanging basket with the geraniums outside the house, they missed it. Its gone now.. Thats what im trying to say, that feeling bad, is about focusing on bad things. What have we done to them? we haven't done anything, we, just like anyone else, are just trying to get on with our lives in the best way we know. If you look for the bad in the world, you will find it. Its important to know that my sunshine.</div><div></div><br /><div>I'm still drawn to them though, i admit that.. i'm always interested in people and their wierd worlds, but i think thats where my interest finishes now? The summer has now gone and the world is beginning to change again. I dont think that there is any reason to be afraid of that is there?</div><br /><div></div><div>It takes humility and sensitivity to make a good world for yourself. Extreme people in my opinion, dont know how to do this, or they forgot about it.. you know, it's not about competition, its about understanding isnt it?</div><div></div><br /><div>What i can say to people lost in the bad feeling of any group like the mrm, is that when you talk about loyalty, you mean intolerance. When you talk about brothers, you mean slaves. When you talk about women, you mean people who are trying to be happy. If you are really that intellegent, why are you in the situation you are in? Have you asked yourself that? why can't you hear what im saying..</div><br /><div></div><div>its october, and things change. but it has to come from the inside, not from the outside.</div><br /><div></div><div>next time you walk down the road, don't hate me. Why do you all hate me? Remember that i told you to look at the flowers. remember that you can choose to see the good in life, but you have to know that there is no party.. there is no crowd cheering you on. It's about noticing the flowers, instead of seeing the storm coming in. Next time you feel hate, remember me, and look for the flowers..</div><br /><div></div><div></div><br /><div></div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-32194097132218621332007-10-01T22:39:00.000+00:002007-10-02T09:22:37.266+00:00in the night garden<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RwF8rFUmxLI/AAAAAAAAAPQ/sywMX1l-kSA/s1600-h/svkidstv1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5116507731274417330" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RwF8rFUmxLI/AAAAAAAAAPQ/sywMX1l-kSA/s200/svkidstv1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>dear diary,<br /><br />i just wanted to write something down tonight because i've just had such a wonderful night. Tonight my faith in life has been restored so much i can't say how much because i just feel so happy like i've got a feeling in my stomach, i just dont want to ever go to sleep again! my fingers are tingling while im writing this and im smiling like i haven't smiled all week long.<br /><br />whats happend tonight? well..<br /><br />firstly i had a good hair day today.. always a vital part of any good day (why is that, isn't it bloody annoying?) but that happens all the time nothing special right?<br /><br />well ok but next, im waiting to go to my class, i bloody hate classes i always get really nervous before i go, like the whole worlds going to end when i walk in the room. That feeling i get when i walk in if nobody is talking they all stare at me and wait while i agonisingly get my folder and pen out of my bag. Why am i a teacher???<br /><br />Tonight, they were all nice to me! wow isn't that just so nice. Yeah, thats why im a teacher!<br /><br />anyway, thats not all.. thats just the beggining!<br /><br />i was talking to a friend of mine on webcamera. I love webcamera you can meet a whole world of people in like, 20 minutes before you have to go out. Isn't it novel eh? well anyway, D. has a little girl and she's watching TV! i don't know what it is about men looking after babies but they just make me feel like life is worthwhile. She looks like her dad, one more for the good! D. is someone who makes me feel like life is worthwhile. Sometimes its ok to say how you feel right?<br /><br />anyway that's not all that made me smile,<br /><br />...i got back from my class, and i read a letter an internet friend of mine, otis.. he has commented on here before. He had written back to somebody that hates me. I just couldn't believe it, someone supporting me??? lol, take that you nasty people! O. hates women? or does he just believe in seperation of the sexes? im not sure. I think he's someone who hasn't learnt how to seduce women properly yet... but maybe im the naive one? Maybe he knows and hes not interested in us. He's got all the tools, and he knows that we always want what we can't have..but he's too scared of using them isnt he? Its too easy for him he wants more of a challenge right?<br /><br />anyway, heres what he wrote..<br /><br /><a href="http://antimisandry.com/average_age-t7374p11.html?t=7374&page=11">http://antimisandry.com/average_age-t7374p11.html?t=7374&page=11</a><br /><br />O. seems to be another person who has actually made me believe in people again. Its not often that happens and when it does, i think its important that I recognise it. The last time someone made me feel like i do now was ages ago - i wrote a post about it, the link is..</div><div></div><div></div><div><a href="http://luciavega.blogspot.com/2007/06/this-is-short-post.html">http://luciavega.blogspot.com/2007/06/this-is-short-post.html</a><br /><br />i don't really hate anyone, i feel awkward with some people, and some i feel like they hate me, but i can't really return it for long.. I don't think that there is that much to life, but people who make me feel accepted, are the best thing in my life. I suppose thats why we love being with kids so much.</div><div>.</div><div></div><div>sometimes in life its difficult to see the good in people because we don't know how to show it. We never learn how to express positive sides to ourselves because we get rejected for it when we are young? or maybe we are rejected during our whole lives.<br /><br />is that right? i don't know i don't really understand why some people are nasty, when its not neccesary. I don't know maybe im guilty of that too.<br /><br />Still im a pisces and were all a bit like that aren't we. To lost in ourselves and not aware of the funfair that goes on around us??? typical fishies.<br /><br />anyway, i have to go to bed.. well actually, i ought to go to bed, but tommorow i won't feel like this so best to write it down now?<br /><br />so.. O., D. and especially mini-D, thankyou, because you've really made my night..</div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-8186363592905730532007-09-26T09:54:00.000+00:002007-10-02T09:22:37.266+00:00crash!i had a minor car accident on monday. I've never had one before and so its a bit of a strange experience.<br /><br />what happend was i was trying to turn right, and i couldn't see anything because there were two parked cars blocking the view. I looked right, looked left and then just as i was looking right again, a motorcycle appeared out of knowhere. I stopped the car, i'd hardly pulled out at all and i remember thinking.. wow that was close.<br /><br />but then, he slowed down but his bike started wobbling all over the place and he eventually crashed right into the front of our car (my dads <em>fancy</em> car). I remember watching him getting closer and closer and thinking, what is he doing?!<br /><br />then when he smashed i thought you idiot!<br /><br />but what happend next? two people ran to him and one offered to be his witness? they were asking him if he was ok, nobody looked at me.<br /><br />they pushed his bike up and then the first thing he did was ask a nearby woman to be his witness.<br /><br />i was still in a bit of shock, but i got out of the car and asked him if he was ok. No answer. We swapped details and he drove off. My kids were in the back of the car and by now were getting anxious. He never bothered asking us how we were.<br /><br />What did this do to me? it made me think i was responsible, that i had been at fault. I started getting nervous, anxious and worried. I've never crashed before and im a safe driver. I kept blaming the parked cars, and not him.<br /><br />anyway. the point is, that a few days later having seen the evidence, that his motorcycle crashed into the front of our car, and not the side, it means its impossible that i had pulled out too far. He would have hit the side of our car, not the front.<br /><br />with this evidence, i started to think, actually.. he wasn't wobbling, he was out of control. Any suitable driver would NEVER have crashed into me. He was going to fast around a blind corner and he couldn't control his vehicle. Imagine if a kid had pulled out in front of him, what then?<br /><br />Im pretty upset, because he pretended his leg was hurt and everyone ran to him. Yet his leg wasn't hurt enough to go running to find his witness was it. His leg wasn't hurt enough for him not to just get up on his bike and zoom of again. He faked it, and we all fell for it. He got all the sympathy and witnesses on his side. Clearly, i was dealing with an <em>experienced</em> crasher!<br /><br />and yet, the evidence shows that it was clearly his fault. Is there something wrong with me?, that when i crashed i was actually concerned that everyone was ok? he only appeared concerned with winning his court case which will im sure be fought out. Why did everyone take his side, when he was at fault?<br /><br />you know why? because in life, people like him, have made decent people into losers. People like him are actors, people who manipulate situations in their favour. He even manipulated me into thinking it was my fault.<br /><br />My dad assured me that its not physically possible for it to have been my fault. I never once felt guilty, not until he pretended to be injured and people ran to him asking if he was ok.<br /><br />One minute i was thinking, <em>'you bloody moron</em>!' the next i was thinking <em>'oh</em> <em>my god, what have i done</em>!'.. what had changed my attitude so completely?? he had manipulated me by pretending to be injured, pretending to be the victim, when it was his fault. Its scary isn't it.<br /><br />anyway neither of us were hurt, nor my kids (who he never even knew where in the car, he didn't care about us at all).<br /><br />maybe what i should have done is jumped out the car, and started screaming. Saying '<em>oh my god why did you run into my car</em>?'... <em>'why were you driving so fast around a blind corner</em>?!', .. <em>'i have kids here'</em>.. maybe if i'd lied and made up how much i was damaged and manipulated the situation, i might be in a better position now. Maybe i wouldn't have to sit here and write down why i feel so upset?<br /><br />maybe if i was a worse person, a nastier person who doesn't care, maybe i'd be ok..<br /><br />road accidents apparently show the true face of people.. there are those that care, and there are those that care about themselves, i mean, what other conclusion can i possibly draw from that?<br /><br />maybe i should stop drawing conclusions and start looking after myself properly? perhaps thats the lesson i need to learn.<br /><br />actually, having thought about it the real morale of the story is if you crash with a motorcycle, be careful, because even if its their fault, they are going to seem like the victim. Make sure you photograph everything that happens.lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-17901988514943986442007-09-19T09:01:00.000+00:002007-09-19T09:38:34.404+00:00Aint life wierd eh?<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RvDrnr4RyDI/AAAAAAAAAPI/j_X-dAxrJYM/s1600-h/emptiness_8_large.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5111844644091709490" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RvDrnr4RyDI/AAAAAAAAAPI/j_X-dAxrJYM/s200/emptiness_8_large.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RvDrgL4RyCI/AAAAAAAAAPA/k4FikSPLPK4/s1600-h/emptiness_8_large.jpg"></a><div><br /><br /></div><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /></div><div>dear diary</div><div><br />i sometimes feel like my life is empty. Its not like a real thing, its just a feeling i get inside, in my stomach and it goes right up to my heart. Sometimes i wonder if my heart will just stop beating because i don't have the energy to keep it going.</div><div>.</div><div></div><div>i felt like that last night, and i don't know where to turn. I can give my partner a cuddle, but the feeling of emptyness doesn't go away. I love him, i love him so much, love, is when you care. Its not about sex, or kissing, or going out to restaurantes. Thats something else isnt it?</div><div>.</div><div>Sometimes im really amazed by the things people do in life. You turn on the television and you see adverts, and programs, all about the excitement of life, the things that happen. I never felt part of it. Its like a big party thats going on around you that you cannot touch. </div><div>.</div><div></div><div>In my life i've found very few things that actually make me happy and smile. When my daughters call me, the sound of their voice makes me feel like im needed, like i do have a part in that party that is going on around me. I can be intimate with them without fear of agression. I suppose the relationship changes over time but i love being a mother, its the best thing i ever found in life. </div><div><br />There are also certain sexual encounters when suddenly felt alive, like suddenly there is a world going on inside me. I've spent far too long in my life trying to find that kind of situation. It always relates to me trying to be this perfect woman, and when i look in the mirror i am reminded of how far away from it i am. </div><div><br />Sex is like that, its something you spend your whole life thinking is so important, but you then spend your whole life trying to be something your not. That first sexual encounter, when you feel turned on for the first time. It leaves an imprint in your mind and can consume your whole life trying to find it again. Why else do we have plastic surgery, endless diets and the rest? We are looking for something that's already happend. I guess we'll never find it again. </div><div>.</div><div></div><div>That feeling of emptyness inside is why i argue, its why i cry and why i spend hours in front of a mirror making sure every single hair is in the right place. Im running away from it, im hiding and pretending that there is something more to life than emptyness. </div><div>.</div><div></div><div>There isn't is there? I fill it with red bull, with internet forums, arguements, clothes, hairstyles, music, travelling and languages. Im running away from it, just like i did from school when i was young. </div><div>.</div><div></div><div>When my mum left me at school when i was 6 i looked around and i saw faces that i didn't recognise, people talking to me about things i didn't understand, rooms that i did not know, children laughing, while i felt terrified. I just ran, i just felt like i couldn't stay there. I suppose i spend alot of my life feeling like that. She never used to pick me up from school. I remember leaving and watching everyone elses mothers smiling at them, i just had to walk home alone. There was a tree at the bottom of the road and i used to pretend it was her.. everytime i walked home from school, i wished that tree would turn into my mum, but it never did. </div><div>.</div><div>Then, when i was bullied by a group of people at secondary school, i lost my trust in people. I still haven't got that back, and i still see the bullies everywhere i go. Different faces, different names, but the same face, the same feeling of vulnerability. I'm scared of people. Still, i guess that nobody knows that, apart from me. </div><div>.</div><div></div><div>When i go in to teach classes, i smile and pretend to be a really nice person, a good teacher. The truth is that i don't feel comfortable. I hate being looked at, i hate attention. I don't really know why im a teacher, but if i do nothing i just look in the mirror and end up wanting to slit my wrists.</div><div>.</div><div></div><div>At least since i had children, i now feel like my life has meant something. I suppose this is what im saying, that watching something grow, caring and giving everything you can to someone that you love, is the only real answer to that emptyness. Isn't it funny that cleaning poo out of a potty, is actually what makes me happy. Life is full of little contradictions like that. Aint it wierd eh?</div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-1411061337837827832007-09-11T20:53:00.000+00:002007-09-19T09:38:25.864+00:00love from fruit cake<div><div>i left a mens rights forum behind me a week or so ago. I went in there thinking i was mad, like i was a fruit cake. I came out thinking i was normal and they were the fruit cakes..<br /><br />so i've lifted off the sea and took to the skies!<br /><br />I never went back there but after talking to D, who i've grown really friendly with from the forum, i went back there and did a search on the thing he said as i enjoy reading his comments. I was amazed to find that there was lots of posts refering to me and even a thread written about me there, this is the link..<br /><br /><a href="http://antimisandry.com/lucia_vega-t7244.html?t=7244">http://antimisandry.com/lucia_vega-t7244.html?t=7244</a><br /><br />aparently i have the moral depth of a pool of urine! no idea what that means. I dont really understand his post, but hey.. any publicity is good publicity!<br /><br />everyone at that place always called me thick, stupid, un-intellegent and a feminist... later on ugly and a transvestite, but anyway..<br /><br />if im so stupid and everything, why are you writing a thread about me? I think people there hated me so much because i represented an opinion that they had not thought about properly.<br /><br />Still, there you go.<br /><br />the thing is, that they go on about how awful women are, and that we are emotional and blah de blah blah, but, i did want to help them during my time there. I think they are going to miss me, im happy they haven't forgotten me. Im like the girl that took their virginity away from them. You never forget the first one...<br /><br />one day some of them will think about me, and suddenly understand what i was saying. Others will forget about me just like you forget about picking up the mail when it comes through the door in the morning.<br /><br />I suppose, in a funny way, i'll miss them too and i did learn somethings about myself. Thanks guys, for making me feel normal again..<br /><br />lifes pretty short isn't it.<br /><br />love fruit cake.<br /><br />oh yeah and ps. i have a message board now so if you want to continue to slag me off, or you need to talk to someone who cares.. then the address is..<br /><br /><a href="http://luciavega.proboards101.com/index.cgi">http://luciavega.proboards101.com/index.cgi</a></div></div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-77705644602072075402007-09-06T18:55:00.000+00:002007-09-19T09:38:30.375+00:00running, ducks and waiting for a resolution..<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RuBRZFhzBfI/AAAAAAAAAOY/MNCFnAfM3MM/s1600-h/Sunset%2520Zottegem%25202.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5107171468860655090" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/RuBRZFhzBfI/AAAAAAAAAOY/MNCFnAfM3MM/s200/Sunset%2520Zottegem%25202.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>im in one of those moods tonight, where you feel like your leaving something behind, like the sun is setting on a part of your life and you haven't yet found anything to put in its place? its like you are faced with the empty reality of life once again and you need something quickly to distract you? </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>i've changed alot today. isn't it funny how you can go years without changing and then overnight you are a different person? </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>you know, its been a nice day today, A. goes out in the morning, so i'm left with the kids until 12:30. We went down to the river to feed the ducks, its really nice down there early in the day, not many people around, everyone smiles at each other. Im starting to really enjoy parenting. Its the best thing about my life by along way and i don't know how i lived with out it. </div><div></div><br /><div>However, it got a bit scary because N. and L. can't throw very far so alot of the bread ended up landing on the shore and meant the swans came to get it. Their such big animals aren't they and we had to move on before they gobbled us up along with the bread. </div><br /><div></div><div>So anyway, i get back home and they want some crisps (i'd used it as a bribe to get them out of the park as i was getting bored). So i give them crisps. Next they want some toasties.. im thinking, well, you've had crisp now you want toast and jam? you only had breakfast 2 hours ago. You're gonna get fat so i had to say no.. tears results! anyway, its a usual morning for me. </div><br /><div></div><div>Then we go to pick up A. in the car, as he's walked in earlier and he's arranged to meet a friend. I get a bit of free time as the twins are with my mum and i decided to go for a run. I got my pants on, threw on a navy green vest and of i go.. </div><div></div><br /><div>running has always been one of my favourite past times. When you're out there, the only thing you have to worry about is keeping going. All the problems of life disapear for a while and its like an escape. Its nice out running mid week, nobody around, the odd fisherman here or there. Everyone smiles at me and i smile back. </div><div></div><div> </div><div>nearly an hour later i get back and im exhausted. So i decide to clean the floor. Its full of orange juice and mixed in with all the dirt trodden in from the back garden. Then i have a bath, shave my armpits and go to pick up the twins.</div><br /><div></div><div>we get home and we're all tired, L. wants to use my legs as a slide, well.. ok. but it hurts doesn't it. </div><br /><div></div><div>of to bed go the twins, i manage to creep out without L. telling me to 'sit there'. Its always L, i think N is like her father and sleeps like a rock. (why did i say that! she's just woken up.. oh well better finish of quickly)</div><div></div><br /><div>so here i am, looking for a new direction, writing here in my blog, and waiting for some kind of idea to sweep me away into another world to discover... (after i've gone upstairs and settled N. down that is!)</div><div></div><div> </div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-27534862014297705762007-09-04T08:26:00.000+00:002007-09-06T08:23:38.909+00:00my last post on the mens movement.<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/Rt2GPVhzBZI/AAAAAAAAANo/W3R4Nd1MEF0/s1600-h/sm_pele_painting.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5106385150543070610" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/Rt2GPVhzBZI/AAAAAAAAANo/W3R4Nd1MEF0/s200/sm_pele_painting.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/Rt2E7VhzBYI/AAAAAAAAANg/MSgR0YEkK5U/s1600-h/Bby-SchmidtAngrybg.jpg"></a><br /><div></div><div></div><div>this is supposed to be my final post on the freak show....oops i mean the mens movement. I feel like its time to move on to find something else to interest me..<br /><br />i've been involved in two forums, and the truth is, i don't feel like i've come across more than 2 or 3 people who are involved in productive relationships with the opposite sex. The people involved in these forums are mostly life's losers and they want revenge. Just like the radical feminists before them, some may eventually move on, others, are intent on destruction. All are unhappy and all hate women.<br /><br />its quite interesting to look at the contradictions within their stories..<br /><br />when i went out on sunday with A. and my daughters to the local festival, all i saw were families, dads and mums, kids playing. Its all normal isn't it. We are normal aren't we..<br /><br />Then, when i go to work, i teach lots of men languages, and they smile, take part and generally enjoy themselves, and yet..<br /><br />when i enter in a mens rights forum, all i hear is sob stories about how they've been abused by this that or the other. How hard they have it, how awful women are. All i hear are insults, aggression and nastyness towards me.<br /><br />men in reality like me, men in mens rights forums hate me. Interesting isn't it, how desperate people, normally have to drag others down to their level.<br /><br />you know, whenever i go down to the local supermarket, i see well dressed, handsome young men, and yet..<br /><br />when i enter in a mens rights forum all i hear are men who probably don't brush their teeth or cant even wipe their bum properly. Its not womens fault you are ugly and you stink. (of course there is one exception, i hope he knows who he is, his name begins with D and...)<br /><br />most women want to have loving relationships with people who understand us, not with people who cannot tolerate us. Thats why these men are all alone, intolerance. They are intolerant of women, and they use 'male rights' as an excuse to put forward their real agenda...<br /><br /><strong>why is it, that if i am so clever, and so brilliant, why does nobody love me? Why am i alone and yet all these entitlement fruit cake princess women are not.</strong><br /><br />yes thats the question you have to ask yourself macho man, and the answer is pretty simple.. its because you are thick, and intolerant, and you are not a woman and you are not capable of understanding a woman. You cannot understand love, you can only understand dominance. You define reality through agression, not through caring. You are a loser and feminism destroyed you 50 years ago.<br /><br />your only understanding of relationships is one of break down and pain. If i was married to one of you, i would escape with my children too..<br /><br />yes, its your male ego, not women, that has destroyed any chance you have of happiness. Well, tough shit. I don't care anymore. You're the losers, and im bored of you.<br /><br />and always remember..<br /><br />for every screw up in the mens movement, there are 50 involved in normal productive relationships with western women. I, just like most women i know, believe in the majority of men, not the extremist freaks like you..<br /><br />and before you tell me about how some women are involved in the mens movement, just to add..<br /><br />for every screw up woman in the mens movement, there are 500,000,000 who are happily getting on with their lives thanks to feminism and the women who put themselves on the line for us in the past. we are normality, and you are..well.. freaks?<br /><br />i feel like its time to finish here. Its upto you, men, you either listen to women, like me, who are the majority in reality, but the small minority in your world, and move on and maybe learn something new..<br /><br />or you listen to macho man, at home in his anonymous forum. Laugh with him while he insults women, but become afraid to show your face, an outcast in reality. While he consumes your soul bit by bit you will end up like him, bitter, lost and lonely. You'll even say you don't believe in relationships anymore.<br /><br />its upto you but im bored and its time for me to move on.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WweAQOl384w/Rt0n4VhzBUI/AAAAAAAAANA/PBpJNOCPuQ4/s1600-h/cbgseat.gif"></a></div></div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330763337653374327.post-66767150413411333062007-08-31T20:36:00.001+00:002008-03-17T11:02:15.089+00:00children, jungles, wierdos and transvestites<div></div><div></div><div>dear diary,<br /><br />im going to write about the way i feel tonight. Its been a nice day. We went to the local jungle gym (always good because you can just chat while your kids have fun) and i always like those places, with mothers and their children. The occasional awkward, yet, friendly looking father.<br /><br />its so nice to feel normal sometimes, to feel like you're just like everyone else. Just another family with their children, trying to make sure that the children get the most out of their day. Of course, whilst also having to manage your own tiredness.. after all, its not good lying down on the couch when you get back, you have to get them to bed don't you!?<br /><br />Tommorow im back on my own again, more work, but more attention from my daughters.. great!<br /><br />anyway, what i really want to talk about is that im not sure how i feel about things right at this point in time. I've been arguing on an internet forum lately, and stubborn as i always have been, sooner or later, the weaker people, the mixed up and confused ones, always turn on me. What it is that i do, i don't know, nor do i care, but its an interesting sociological carachteristic.<br /><br />what i want to talk about is how far i have come to understand the male rights movement in my time involved in it. I started out a few months ago, and now it feels like a lifetime later, i know alot more about it.<br /><br />I've learned that the male rights movement, just like practically every other social movement, is a group of damaged individuals who unite against what they percieve as a common enemy, lately, me, but generally feminism, or to be honest, women.<br /><br />The degree of damage varies. Some of them are just ordinary blokes, who've probably been involved in the wrong relationship, once or a few times. They feel upset, and hurt, and alone in their feelings. I think that they genuinely try and not blame all women for what has happend to them, but often fail, which i suppose, is human isn't it.<br /><br />Underneath, i tend to like this type of person, and i feel that with just a little guidance in the right direction, they will be able to leave the hatred and bad feeling that is central to the male rights movement (MRM from now on) behind them. I don't really know how to help them, but i can try and i've always hoped that they will prove to me that what i beleive, that men do care, is true.<br /><br />However, likewise to all movements of people, they are mixed up with, should i say 'infiltrated' by much more damaged people. People who were either born bad, or developed it pretty quickly. Men within the MRM who are like this, and men in general too, are normally fairly easy to spot. They have no ability to relate to the ordinary. Their entire world is based on abstract ideas of what they believe their enemy (me and, ultimately women) to be. They are scary people because they do not feel anything anymore. I've talked about franco and his lack of feeling, these are the same.<br /><br />I suppose in evolutionary terms, they serve a purpose, what that is? don't know.. don't care.<br /><br />the thing that worries me, is that they will lead astray the ordinary man, and fill him with their hatred, malice and agression. They are bad seeds, born with evil inside them.. they are the bullies at school, and they continue bullying throughout their life. They don't bully with their fists, they bully with their nose. They look down it. Nobody stands up to them. I got bullied badly at school, and i will never ever back down again to people who think do not have genuine intentions. I will say it to their face, and i will say it again and again and again. Im a stubborn old goat, and i can see them coming a mile away.<br /><br />why do they hate us, women, so much? more importantly, why do they hate ordinary people so that they have to live in the abstract. They have to live in a world of ideas, and theories. I live in a world, of dirty nappies, smiles, tears and cuddles. Im happy, despite all my insecurities, fears and worries... I suspect, that they aren't.<br /><br />one in particular really tried to have a go at me. Im pretty perceptive, and i suspected this one was a bit strange right from the beggining. He called me ugly and later, a transvestite, as if this part was somehow worse than the first. Well, i wish i was a transvestite, then i wouldn't have to worry about all the female insecurities that i have to face day in day out. I could just go whoosh! and they would all disapear and i could put on a football kit and have a game down pub with the lads. I bloody wish he was right.<br /><br />Ugly? well, i've been called every name under the sun in my time, ugly isn't a frequent one. Its funny how people who daren't show their face, call other people names isn't it. Ugly? i suspect he's projecting himself outwardly. Im not scared of showing my face, i like it, i've always liked the way i look. I like the way other people look, when i think they are caring.<br /><br />anyway, what most people call me, when they are being nasty to me, is crazy, or fruit cake. My parents call me selfish. Its funny, how different people can percieve the same person isnt it. Still, im not complaining, i reckon i look pretty dam good for my age, im not fat, im certainly not ugly, im married to someone that i think is god, and i have the most beautiful intellegent children i've ever seen (i would say that wouldn't i!). Every good parent thinks that, im sure.<br /><br />anyone who has found happiness, and companionship. anyone who has had children can understand what i am talking about. The people that live in the abstract.. well, let them get on with it, they can take their abstract and give it a cuddle when nobody comes to bed with them. when they feel alone they can feel proud of how intellegent they are. They can talk about their theories to the empty seat at the dinner table. When they feel like they are good looking they can look in the mirror and remind themselves of it. Nobody else cares, nobody else is around to care.<br /><br />anyway, i continue to learn more about this movement, one day i suppose i will write a book on it. I'll stick my ugly transvestite picture on the back!<br /><br />im sure it'll sell 1000 times better! </div>lucia vegahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04884255486157807785noreply@blogger.com7