i realised something today, im no-where near as tough as i thought i was.
there is a guy in the anti-misandry forum who is taking all his personal hatred out in the world on me, im really scared of him. It occured to me just how you can get into situations like this.
i really really tried to be nice to him, i told him about my own insecurities and how maybe we could help each other, but he wouldn't accept it, and in fact, he was really aggresive against me and im glad that the internet is anonymous because he is really scary.
i know i can be a bitch, and i can wind people up and be insensitive sometimes, but i dont deserve what this person has been doing.
i was talking to another friend of mine on the same forum, and he says that sometimes people use internet forums to 'unload their emotional baggage', that i should just leave him to it and try and avoid him. He's right, sometimes i feel so close to men, and other times i feel like a world away. Today i expeirenced both of those feelings, so im tired and exhausted from an emotional roller coaster day.
still.. i had chance to go shopping and i bought myself a couple of dresses, so i feel good again now. Time to become feminine again.
i cant compete with men, i can't threaten them and i felt really scared today for the first time in a while. My partner is away on holiday and my kids are there too for a few days, so im feeling really lonely and i suppose any male attention i get right now, is just like.. wow, i love you so much. isnt life funny.
i offered this guy my hand in friendship, which is something i dont do normally these days, im scared of being hurt, but for the first time in my life, im actually glad i did the right thing.
he rejected it, he wants to hurt me, and make me feel like he feels. Well im sorry, but i dont, i feel good about myself, i gave you a chance to be friends with me, i could have cared for you, and worried about you.. treated you with love and with understanding, and you have thrown that away.
its funny how when you fear something so much you stop doing it, but then when you do it and it goes wrong, it can be a new found freedom in your life, something that can no longer scare you.
i haven't offered my hand in friendship for a long time, because i was scared of being rejected. now i've dont it, and been rejected, i feel no fear. Im happy with myself and maybe it can start a new chapter in my life.
tommorow, im going on holiday with my dad. he is a very caring, but highly emotional and reactionary person. I think he's very unhappy, he constantly searches for respect from his male friends, what is it about men that they feel so worried about how their friends see them, they are obssessed with status.
i think im going to find something else new tommorow -
i like this story, im getting better at reading it. Im not a big and tough, im a weak, emotional, doormat.. but i do know how to love, and i do know how to care for people, and you know what, im going to try not to be afraid to show it anymore.
i even made a picture of myself, with the words 'get fucked' in front of me. Thats the person they wanted me to become. The person that they are, people who have no feelings, people who do not get hurt because they dont know how to love. its not going to be me anymore. i am a pathetic doormat girl, a sponge for aggresive men to punch and kick me. you know what?
im going to smile at them. and im going to hand out flowers, not guns..
10 comments:
You're a very attractive and sexy woman. x
thankyou, anonymous xx
Don't hold back if you want to post any more sexy photos of yourself.
im a creative girl.. keep tuned in
Aww c'mon FC, you're missing a LOT of detail about how you & 'this person' came to fall out.
My ex-wife did exactly the same thing:
Her brother contacted me while I was visiting my dying Mother. He spewed a lot of garbage at me, and made some incredibly low & horrible remarks. After blocking five identities he had used to harass me with, I threatened to take legal action against his family to save my family, especially as he & his brother are drug addicts and alcoholics... Hardly an inviting environment for a growing child. He also made a veiled threat to me about my daughter, as he was baby-sitting her.
At the threat of documented legal action being taken, he said he would no longer babysit our daughter.
My wife's version (on a mother's forum) was slightly... 'forgetful' of the full events that led up to the decision.
She worded it to people that "My husband has made my Brother so upset, by continually arguing with him, that he will no longer babysit our daughter"
Yes, she got all the sympathy she could hope for, all the friends all thought "what a nasty husband he is" and "awww, poor brother" and suchlike. None of them knew the reality and just how much information she'd 'forgotten' to include.
And you are doing the exact same here.
Yes,I have to agree you are a very sexy woman and if you must post more photos then I'll try not to complain lol.
I would'nt worry to much about whats said on the net.In real life I'd be happy to meet a woman that sounds half as kind as you do.In reality though there's alot of man haters out there and nice guys get burned.
Well I've just been over to that forum and I have to say that there are some pretty weird and scary characters over there. I'm with you on this Lucia,, good for you for standing up to them. Looking forward to seeing more of your beautiful sexy photos.
dear karl,
i know you've had a difficult time, but im not your ex-wife. i always said that when i thought things were unfair for men, i would try and do my bit to help them out, that applies to you to, but im not responsible for the things she did to you.
the person this article concerns, has made his feelings about me pretty clear, and thats his decision.
i understand what you wrote to me in your message in your forum, and i apreciate that you took the time to consider things from his point of view, to try and explain things to me.
the description you gave of how his best friend was killed next to him in the war, was very graphic and explains exactly why war is so wrong.
you said
Imagine, your best friend's head just exploding right of you - an unknown private limping, with half his foot in shreds, a guy who last week was running at the speed of light - is now dragging himself along, one arm missing and a bullet in his gut, pouring with blood, then suddenly, his eye flies out and the guy falls to the floor in front of you.
the only point that i think you have missed, is that he is responsible for doing exactly the horrific things you described to somebody else. he himself killed someone elses best friend too. He killed someone elses son, someone elses child that they loved and nurtured. As you yourself have children im sure you can imagine the horror and total despair that must come with losing them.
He stole life from somebody else. Its that reason he hates me so much, because he cannot come to terms with what he has done. He is looking for someone to blame for his mistakes, and for the moment i am his scape goat. Who knows who it will be next.
Its people like him, who cause the pain that he is now suffering from.
Until he comes to terms with what he has done, he will never recover.
I can't help him, he won't let me in. I cannot grovel to somebody who when i offer my friendship says he would spit on my hand.
i have to maintain some level of self respect.
panzer
- thankyou for your support.
i know men say this thing about nice guys always get burnt, so perhaps, being a nice guy is not working for you. Nice guy's never display any anger, or passion.
i think thats whats missing. Theres nothing wrong with being a caring man, but aggresive emotions
excite women. Maybe nice guys need to develop their masculinity a bit?
anonymous - lol, thankyou for your support.
Greetings FC,
First and foremost, that was a private message between two friends - not intended for public display... I say that, we can still consider ourselves as friends, yes..or no?
Personally, I like you - I know some don't (e.g. Fred & chevalier).
The point I was making, re my ex wife, is not one of comparing you to her directly, but rather that you have employed the same trickery on your blog to deceive your readers.
You have only told them half a story - and thus, you get their sympathy and respect.
Even if you told the whole story, you'd get - and more - because there is no deception involved.
I think it only fair that you explain the situation in better detail so people can see why he reacted that way. You made a mockery of the guy's illness and belittled him in a serious way, you hit hard below the belt.
Similarly, when disaffected made his comment about my late mother, it has had a similar effect. I now hold that guy at a distance... just as this guy holds you at a distance.
that is all :)
well let him hold his distance, maybe he can go into outer space.
we can be friends, lifes pretty short isnt it?
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