children, jungles, wierdos and transvestites

dear diary,

im going to write about the way i feel tonight. Its been a nice day. We went to the local jungle gym (always good because you can just chat while your kids have fun) and i always like those places, with mothers and their children. The occasional awkward, yet, friendly looking father.

its so nice to feel normal sometimes, to feel like you're just like everyone else. Just another family with their children, trying to make sure that the children get the most out of their day. Of course, whilst also having to manage your own tiredness.. after all, its not good lying down on the couch when you get back, you have to get them to bed don't you!?

Tommorow im back on my own again, more work, but more attention from my daughters.. great!

anyway, what i really want to talk about is that im not sure how i feel about things right at this point in time. I've been arguing on an internet forum lately, and stubborn as i always have been, sooner or later, the weaker people, the mixed up and confused ones, always turn on me. What it is that i do, i don't know, nor do i care, but its an interesting sociological carachteristic.

what i want to talk about is how far i have come to understand the male rights movement in my time involved in it. I started out a few months ago, and now it feels like a lifetime later, i know alot more about it.

I've learned that the male rights movement, just like practically every other social movement, is a group of damaged individuals who unite against what they percieve as a common enemy, lately, me, but generally feminism, or to be honest, women.

The degree of damage varies. Some of them are just ordinary blokes, who've probably been involved in the wrong relationship, once or a few times. They feel upset, and hurt, and alone in their feelings. I think that they genuinely try and not blame all women for what has happend to them, but often fail, which i suppose, is human isn't it.

Underneath, i tend to like this type of person, and i feel that with just a little guidance in the right direction, they will be able to leave the hatred and bad feeling that is central to the male rights movement (MRM from now on) behind them. I don't really know how to help them, but i can try and i've always hoped that they will prove to me that what i beleive, that men do care, is true.

However, likewise to all movements of people, they are mixed up with, should i say 'infiltrated' by much more damaged people. People who were either born bad, or developed it pretty quickly. Men within the MRM who are like this, and men in general too, are normally fairly easy to spot. They have no ability to relate to the ordinary. Their entire world is based on abstract ideas of what they believe their enemy (me and, ultimately women) to be. They are scary people because they do not feel anything anymore. I've talked about franco and his lack of feeling, these are the same.

I suppose in evolutionary terms, they serve a purpose, what that is? don't know.. don't care.

the thing that worries me, is that they will lead astray the ordinary man, and fill him with their hatred, malice and agression. They are bad seeds, born with evil inside them.. they are the bullies at school, and they continue bullying throughout their life. They don't bully with their fists, they bully with their nose. They look down it. Nobody stands up to them. I got bullied badly at school, and i will never ever back down again to people who think do not have genuine intentions. I will say it to their face, and i will say it again and again and again. Im a stubborn old goat, and i can see them coming a mile away.

why do they hate us, women, so much? more importantly, why do they hate ordinary people so that they have to live in the abstract. They have to live in a world of ideas, and theories. I live in a world, of dirty nappies, smiles, tears and cuddles. Im happy, despite all my insecurities, fears and worries... I suspect, that they aren't.

one in particular really tried to have a go at me. Im pretty perceptive, and i suspected this one was a bit strange right from the beggining. He called me ugly and later, a transvestite, as if this part was somehow worse than the first. Well, i wish i was a transvestite, then i wouldn't have to worry about all the female insecurities that i have to face day in day out. I could just go whoosh! and they would all disapear and i could put on a football kit and have a game down pub with the lads. I bloody wish he was right.

Ugly? well, i've been called every name under the sun in my time, ugly isn't a frequent one. Its funny how people who daren't show their face, call other people names isn't it. Ugly? i suspect he's projecting himself outwardly. Im not scared of showing my face, i like it, i've always liked the way i look. I like the way other people look, when i think they are caring.

anyway, what most people call me, when they are being nasty to me, is crazy, or fruit cake. My parents call me selfish. Its funny, how different people can percieve the same person isnt it. Still, im not complaining, i reckon i look pretty dam good for my age, im not fat, im certainly not ugly, im married to someone that i think is god, and i have the most beautiful intellegent children i've ever seen (i would say that wouldn't i!). Every good parent thinks that, im sure.

anyone who has found happiness, and companionship. anyone who has had children can understand what i am talking about. The people that live in the abstract.. well, let them get on with it, they can take their abstract and give it a cuddle when nobody comes to bed with them. when they feel alone they can feel proud of how intellegent they are. They can talk about their theories to the empty seat at the dinner table. When they feel like they are good looking they can look in the mirror and remind themselves of it. Nobody else cares, nobody else is around to care.

anyway, i continue to learn more about this movement, one day i suppose i will write a book on it. I'll stick my ugly transvestite picture on the back!

im sure it'll sell 1000 times better!