alot of women get very demoralised, confused and angry, when their man does something on his own, which in the case of men can predominantly be porn, or masterbation related. They dont see it for what it is, they feel jealous of the women he is looking at, they feel deflated because he is supposed to be with them, not looking at the women in the porno. It means for women that they have no control what is going on in his life for a period of time. They cannot choose which image he looks at, or what he does while he's looking at, which they can during sex with him.
what they dont understand, is that life as a man, must be very hard sometimes, and i am convinced that pornography forms some kind of release for men, they escape from the real world for a few minutes. The women they look at do exactly what they want, they are in control of their own pleasure and for how ever long it takes (and some men can take FOREVER) they dont have to think about worries and problems.
i dont think alot of women really understand this, they think when their man looks at porn, that its somehow about them. That the guy is escaping from them, that he is somehow using his sexuality as a weapon against them. They dont realise what he gets from it, they only see a locked door. The mind worries about what it does not know..
what is he doing in there????
men, if you see a locked door, and you know your girlfriend, who you love, is inside and you have a pretty good idea she is looking at other men, how would you feel? worried, scared, inadequate, rejected?
the whole situation is dictated by circumstances. In this circumstance the man is the one who knows whats going on, the woman the one who doesn't. It has nothing to do with gender at all. Most men given the same situation, would feel the same way as the woman.
Women also need sexual release too of course. From my experience, probably based again, on circumstance rather than gender, female sexuality has developed in a different way. I think the control women like is too have people look at them but also be in control. So, for a man locked away in his room looking at porn, the female equivalent is wearing something that shows of your body a bit, something that makes people look at you. I know what this is like, only the other day i was teaching, i had a low cut top on and one of my students (male) while i was trying to explain something couldn't help but try and look at my tits. Poor guy, its my fault just as much as it is his. I felt a bit embarrased because i didnt realise it was so obvious, and he just got on with things. In this is where i get my own release, my own de-stress session. I go home and think, well actually, i do feel like a woman sexually again, i dont need to do anything about it now. It then disapears and comes back again a few days later, in exactly the same way as it does to the guy i guess? I think what im trying to say, is that female sexuality, is not really a private realm, its not something they can do in private. Whats the point in me looking at myself in a mirror? its much better to have someone looking at me. But the end result, is the same, pornography, or low cut tops - we get a release of stress and we feel ok again about ourselves for a bit.
There is obviously a difference between the two though. Men locking themselves in a room, is generally considered wierd, whereas a woman showing of her body a bit, is not. Thats where it is wrong. So, the lesson here is for women.
Let him get on with it, just like he lets you get on with wearing clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Remember, if circumstance where different, it could be you locked in the room, and he could be the socially acceptable face of sexuality, just like you are now. Be grateful, and let him get on with it.
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