evolution, and how it can tell us who we are?

last night i was lying awake at 3am. it was one of those nights where i can feel my heart beating really loudly. It makes me feel ill, because it reminds me of the fine line that we all live in, between life and death. Just this beating thing, that never stops. thats all it is.

i always wondered what it was about me, when i was 14, that made men feel they could poor out their emotions whenever i gave the faintest impression that i might understand them.

im a sensitive person. maybe other people dont notice their heart beating.

i normally see through the brave face people put on right through to their deepest inner worries and fears. I dont know why im like that, and neither do i know if im right most of the time.

i assumed that they did it because they didn't like me. they didnt fancy me, i was like their mother. they felt comfortable with me because i represented no threat to them. neither in love or in competition.

i dont know, i never had much luck with the opposite sex at that age. I had my first proper relationship when i was 18, and it didnt last very long because we lived too far apart. I went through life up until that point thinking that i was totally unattractive to the opposite sex, so i just assumed nobody could ever like me. I met my long term partner, to who i am married 8 years ago. He was the only person i ever met who made me feel like i was loved. There are thousands of people who want to poor out their inner souls to you given the chance, but very few who actually care about the person they are doing it too. my partner is the first person i met, who didnt poor out their inner soul at the press of a button.

what am i saying? im saying that men have emotions, i know its true.. it happend to me too often that i was the agony aunt. but at that age i also learned that they did not care about me.

i really dont know much about this new phenomena of a 'privilidged princess'. i've never felt like that. I think lots of men dont like them because they envy them. they want to become like them, accept in plan-ken instead of plan-barbie.

so, where am i going with this? i dont really know, but it has occured to me today that most women arent like me in that way. Im sure there are some men who are like that.

my dad told me that evolution is based around a group of people in the african plains. that we have not adapted from that, the new city-dwelling world, is nothing in terms of evolutionary time frames.

he says that for a group of humans to survive that group needs to represent every aspect of human needs.

we need some crazy people who will jump down the cliff to find the new pastures. maybe these manifest themselves in suicide bombers today. They have no place in the modern world..

we need some people who go out and find the food. we need some who will look after the new generation, some who are organised, and others who are creative..

they say that men were hunters, and women stayed back and looked after the children, and picked berries dont they?

well even so, within the hunters, you need some people who chase, others who catch and others that know which way the animals are going right? so, men, can be different from each other.

Within the female groups, some need to stop others from eating all the berries, some need to find the berries and others need to make sure the berries are not poisonous ones... so women can be different from each other.

i know this is a very basic example, but the point im trying to make, is men are not all the same, neither are women. If you believe in darwin then evolution, has made sure we are different..

the more i look at people the more i see it.. I used to think that difference between individuals was a reason why evolution couldn't be right. how could we evolve to be so different individually, from each other? but when you think of a group, it suddently makes more sense.

so im thinking that we must somewhere need some people who are emotional blankets like me. i just havent worked out why yet. I do serve a purpose, somewhere.. and so, maybe, do you!

perhaps the key to understanding ourselves is working out who we are and how we fit into that african plains group of people that we are still evolved to be?

for some reason we have this switch inside us, that makes us think we are all the same. I dont think its true. Feminism was beaten by it, and im worried that the MRM will be too.