the little unimportant things that can change everything

when i feel down, when sometimes it seems like their is no hope for the future, i go and lie in bed and wrap myself up in the covers. Its not a big change in my life, its just a little thing, but it makes me feel less alone. It helps me pass the bad feeling and unhappy emotions sometimes when i get down,

i think its to do with low oestrogen levels, but im not a doctor.

when i go to sleep i always like sleeping with something stuffed inbetween my legs, a pillow, the duvet cover... anything, i dont know why that is, i think i've always like the feel of things next to me, when nothing touches me i feel like i dont exist..

life can be difficult sometimes, when you have two little children running around asking constantly for this and that, then when you go to grandparents house, suddenly they dont care about you anymore, its all about grandma! it can really make you feel unloved, but its in the nature of children to go to the sun that shines the most right?

'estar al sol que mas calienta...'

im a pisces, i think we are all a bit like me, too reflective and we dont live enough. We are lost in our heads most of the time... although if i'd been born two hours earlier i'd be aquarius, although i guess both make me a water girl anyway so, we are all a bit like that..

isnt it funny how birthdays seem to go in periods? all of my family are either born in late november - december time (sagitarius) or late january - february (aquarius), OR in may (taurus and gemini)

my partner however is a scorpio. its wierd.. every single long term relationship i've had has been with a scorpion... they have a sting in the tail im told. Aren't they water too? i get on with them.

i have no idea why this is, i dont know anyone who was born in the summer at all, and yet in may, practically everyday i know someone who has a birthday..

i used to be a scientist and never believed in any of this kind of stuff but lately i've become a lot more feeling orientated.

i wear my hair in a pony tail all the time now because for some reason i dont feel comfortable wearing it down anymore. does that have any significance? who knows, i dont know.

anyway, i've been pretty down over the last week or so, probably due as much to the weather as anything else, but sometimes, when i feel like that, the bed covers are my best friend. They reflect the warmth that i sometimes want to feel and dont get in the real world.

im not saying that they solve anything, once i get up all the fears, paranoias and insecurities are still there, but its a start isnt it?

I dont really want to talk about why i feel down, i have my reasons and they are pretty depressing to me.

but, the little things like wrapping ourselves in our bed covers, and stuffing pillows between our legs can help us change our emotions and can be so important. They can give us hope where just before there did not appear to be any.

so i am saying that next time you feel down, wrap yourself up, cover your head and pretend that the whole world outside no longer exists. i do that now and it makes me feel ok again, like somebody cares.